From Blast Off to the Gangs All Here: Countdown part 2.

I last left you with the prodigal daughter returning to the room… and a sign off by me. Let’s start with skipping ahead to the 12 o’clock hour.

12:00 p.m. – The nurse informs us that she has paged Melissa’s doctor. I equate this to the placing of presents under the Christmas tree a month before the holiday. Just mean.

12:45 p.m. – My patience is wearing thin. At this point if patience was a shirt, it’d be transparent in parts. And my wife would beg… nay… threaten to throw it away.

1:04 p.m. – The doctor is in! He shoots holes in my previously stated theory of making Melissa an indentured servant. She is released, looks like we’ll be returning home in full force.

1:28 p.m. – I failed to mention that on this day we have a mutated two headed nurse that acts as nurse to both Melissa and Hayden instead of having one exclusive to each of them. One head is dressed in the colors of Ronald McDonald and appears to acquiesce to the knowledge of the other head, which is wearing blue… obviously the color of choice for positions of authority since the heroic Rachel wore the same color. Oh, and they said that the patient transporter would be up in fifteen minutes with a wheel chair and a cart. Hopefully they’ll allow Melissa the comfort of the wheel chair.

1:45 p.m. – Both heads lied.

1:50 p.m. – Despite all my meditation, anger has taken control of me and I change into a rampaging monster and destroy much of the 7th floor. Good thing for me Rachel was off this day. And still no transporter.

2:10 p.m. – Sorting through the ruble of the 7th floor I find a nurse and inform her that we’ve been waiting for our transporter for 45 minutes. I am off by three minutes.

2:17 p.m. – The transporter arrives looking nothing at all like Jason Statham. In fact he is more of a socially awkward Asian guy. Could be undercover Triad, I will keep an eye on him.

2:26 p.m. – Turns out he was just kind of a goober. Nice guy, but a goober. I get the truck and drive at a break neck pace so as to get the good parking spot at the door.

2:27 p.m. – Mission accomplished! Porn star parking!

2:34 p.m. – I get on the highway driving about ten miles an hour slower than my normal five over the speed limit. Best not take chances.

3:01 p.m. – I drop the family off at home, let out the Murph, and head to Walgreens to purchase women products. Somehow in my thirty-two plus years of living I have managed to never do this for anyone. Thankfully I was humble enough to enlist the help of a pharmacy tech. She navigates me out of the adult diaper aisle and into the correct area. Good thing, I was beginning to think feminine products were encrypted; turns out I am just an idiot.

3:20 p.m. – Although not as bad as one might think, the hospital food was too much by this day. So we stepped up our cuisine with some Taco Bell.

3:30 p.m. – One more swing by Walgreens to pick up legal drugs for Melissa and back home to eat and rest.

4:36 p.m. – The grandparents bring the Kalenator home! Our family is complete again.

From 4:37 p.m. to 7:08 p.m. not much occurred. The family stayed for a short time and we settled into our role as a two rug rat family. And then…

7:09 p.m. – The Long brothers arrive to meet baby Hayden and socialize for a bit.

8:11 p.m. – The Longs left. Kalen and I make a quick run to Sonic for some late dinner and slushies.

8:52 p.m. – We quickly straighten the house up and place baby care products in every room as needed. Big sis retires to her room and the wife and I watch the season premier of True Blood. All is right in the world.

10:23 p.m. – True Blood ends for us; we collect ourselves and head to bed for a long and peaceful night's rest. The weekend has officially run its course.

11:02 p.m. – Restful night my ass. I almost couldn’t even type that sentence.

I am sure you can surmise what took place from the hours of 11:03 p.m. to this morning when I awoke, made coffee, and began typing this blog... lots and lots of up and down throughout the night. But hey, this is what we signed up for. You have to go through some of this crazy to get to all the great. And at the end of the first weekend, I already see the worth. She is great and having my group of girls in my life is better than anything I could have planned for myself. I am dad, and I can’t think of any “promotion” I’ve ever received in life that comes close to that one.

Super Rachel tells me that she read part one of this blog and liked it enough to post it at work. So to wrap this long winded blog up I want to say thank you to all of the staff at St. John's Mercy. My wife’s frantic hour and a half was nowhere near the nightmare it could have been. And thank you to Rachel. Hyperbole aside, you and John have become a pair of our closest friends in a very short period of time and your presence in the room was something that we couldn’t have done without. You somehow remarkably balanced being a best friend and the most gifted of professionals. It can’t be easy to wear those two hats at once, but you pulled it off and we will love you forever for it.

And…

A huge thank you to my wife for not once, but now twice making me the luckiest man on the planet. You’ve taken me from single man to husband, and now father of two without so much as a hiccup. And watching you do what you did Friday made me think of my mom. I mean this with all my heart when I say that you are every bit as tough as she was. I can’t think of a better compliment I could give another woman. She would have loved to see you do that and see her little granddaughter.

I promise to not fumble this gift you’ve given me.

And finally…

To the rest of you, thanks for the well wishes and support.

Now leave us alone already. We're exhausted - J