Occasionally I eat doughnuts on my way to work.
When I do, I stop at the Quick Trip just before getting onto the highway and only usually when I need gas.
This past Friday, I needed gas and ipso facto… I got some “holy” goodness. (Pun)
My first act was to fill my truck to the brim, to the tune of roughly $55 worth of go-go juice. I then headed inside to get lunch for later in the day, a few doughnuts, and a large coffee; which added another $9 or so to my total.
When I went to the check out, the guy asked me “large or small?”
My response… “Three small”.
Now mind you, I base my large and small on the fact that some doughnuts are big and some are not. My ‘nuts were clearly the runts of the litter, thus my response of “three small”.
Apparently, the clerk’s proper mode of questioning my doughnut selection should have been, “holes or no holes”. Then I would have responded, “Two with holes and one without”. But as it stood, I didn’t.
And therein lay the rub.
For after I began my walk out the door; the lowly clerk gave me a yell to come back to the counter. This is where things began to get dicey. When I re-approached the counter the man said, “You said three small, that one is a large. That’s like trying to steal.”
I was all like, “Whaa-huh?”
He then began, and this is with a gas station filled with an ass load of morning commuters, to ask me to fork over an additional twenty-four cents (the price difference between the “large” and “small” doughnut). This is something I would have gladly done under ideal circumstances.
Telling me my intent was “like stealing” did not put me in a proper frame of mind to carry a pseudo intellectual debate of any kind or. So this circumstance was not ideal.
I responded…
“Twenty-four cents! Are you f@#king kidding me?”
I then added what I thought was a fairly logical counterpoint, “I just spent nearly $65 and you think I want to skip out on twenty-four damn cents from your Quicky Mart?”
Hand to god, this went on for nearly three minutes (an eternity in stupid speak).
Finally the manager intervened.
He asked for my side, I politely obliged. He then asked for an explanation from the rocket surgeon behind the counter. And in his defense, he told the honest truth.
The manager then turned and said, “Thank you sir, and have a great day.”
Many a wise men have said that you can’t argue with logic.
On my way out I asked smarty if at least got the correct number of doughnuts. I of course was asking under the assumption that his drop out level of education might not be able to handle simple arithmetic. This caused me to smile from ear to ear.
After I got in my truck and started my journey to work, I contemplated my next step in criminal evolution. After all, I had just successfully heisted less than two bits from a major gas and snack supplier… perhaps Hoosier homerun derby (mailbox bashing for short) or maybe mattress label removing.
Baby steps you know - J
