Accept No Substitutes!

N0 one has ever accused me of being “prissy”. I don’t have “refined ways” or “uppity tendencies”. I’ve also never been called "pretentious".

But!

I do posses possibly the most complex and sensitive set of taste buds of anyone I know. Some might say they're downright picky. So… taking THAT into consideration AND also that those kinds of thoughts have been stuck rooting around my craw for most of the weekend… you get the cathartic genesis of a blog such as this.

Previous blogs of mine have mentioned my disgust for impostor versions of the things that I find appealing. The Log Cabin blog comes to mind foremost (really it’s the only blog on the matter). I figured that for this blog I would take that topic and run. Also, very quickly you’ll noticed I stray from the digestive qualifier that spawned the idea. To be honest with you, I only used it as a paper thin vehicle to get to the meat of the blog, call it a means from getting from point A to point 3 (I'm certain I just recycled that joke).

So without any more ado then already given, allow me to share with you my Top 10 List of Things That PI$$ Me Off When Someone Attempts to Substitute a Like But Painfully Obvious Impostor Item!

It’s a bit wordy of a title… I apologize.

10. Dr. Pepper – Trust me Wally-World, your Thunder’s doctorate obviously came from a lesser school. Apply this witty play on names to almost any knock off flavor, the good Doctor doesn’t hold it exclusively.

9. Lego’s – Maybe it’s just a licensing problem, but throw in all the properties that it represents (DC Comics, Star Wars, etc.) and the diversity in themes… Mega-anything else just combines to do nothing but suck a$$.

8. Kraft American Cheese Slices – By far the best individually sliced cheese product on the planet. All impostors more closely resemble the taste of cardboard then that of delicious cheese. So there…

7. Chips Ahoy Cookies – I am a self admitted addict of chocolate chip cookies. So when I tell you that these are the best non-fresh baked cookies on the market and all others are better served as dry edible shurikens, you should take my word.


6. G.I. Joes – You could also throw in He-Man and/or Transformers (although The Gobots had their place)… but any kid that pawned off one of the knock offs as a birthday gift was, and rightfully should have been, escorted away from your party and never invited back.

5. Playboy – Say what you want about your thoughts on adult material and why you think men (or women… whatever) purchase them, but through a combination of top notch writing (on staff or featured) and tastefully done pictorials, this bunny has kept a fairly high level of class that its competition can never touched. After all… a person can only watch one woman urinate on another so much before it becomes a tad tedious.

4. Shoes – Nike, Adidas, etc. Now I am not snooty sneaker Nazi by any means; but you spend less than fifty bones on a pair of "kicks", after a month of hardened travel… straight bones is exactly what you’ll be walking on.

3. High end sports cars – This one is more a question then a statement… why the s#!t do car thieves steal Gremlins and Slug Bugs? The sentence for grand theft auto is indiscriminate as to the kind of car involved. Nut up already, in the theft world there should be no excsue for stealing a Datsun over a Diablo.

2. Johnsonville Bratwurst – Sure your local butcher has some high quality sausage… but for prepackaged and mass produced sausage, their Beer’n Brats are a can’t miss purchase. All other meat is just kidding themselves.

1. Log Cabin Syrup – Duh.

There you go. As always, I encourage you to argue or amend. Pleas your case, you’d be wrong if you do of course...

But feel free to give it a try - J

Super Rare Saturday Funnies... or TOTAL B.S.!!!!!

So the obvious joke is the hair.

But my lil' daughter's and my matching hair styles aside, those that have read me since the beginning know the true punchline I'm shooting for here.

And don't worry... the next one will be less veiled.

Hand to the heavens people - J

Paul Anak Probably Meant Something Else Entirely

Maybe I’ve turned into just an old married man. Maybe the years and countless “apology” presents for wrongs I’m still not sure I committed have soured me. Or maybe I’ve just taken for granted what it means to be young and discover new love. Whatever the case… seeing young love in action like I did just yesterday both saddens me and makes my heart melt a little.
 
It's great to witness a young man doing his best to impress his lady friend by posturing in the manliest of fashions. To watch him borderline prance to and fro as he walked. And I would smile as he lovingly teased her every chance he could.
 
I watched that same young man being driven crazy by that same lady. She would appear indifferent toward him one moment, and then like a giddy little girl the next. You could see her work him into a frenzy by the slightest movement. It almost appeared as if she was dancing for him, and no music was needed to keep rhythm.
 
The interaction between the two was almost comical. But still loving and a little moving. With each moment and interaction between the two, you could see how much they yearned for each other’s company. It was as if every glance in one another’s direction just made them happier just to be near each other.
 
Yeah, I would have to say it’s a safe bet that if my big retarded dog ever made his way into the neighbor’s yard… he’s going to hump the s#!t out her lady dog.
 
Hope she’s fixed - J  

A Small Blog w/Small Thoughts.

So my new body wash claims that it has a “Classical Masculine Scent”.

Personally I’ve always envisioned my scent as being more post-modern.

But hey… manly is manly no matter what genre it smells like - J